This post is available in spanish
This is my personal opinion and I am aware all situations are different. However I wanted to share this with you all.
The reason that I write about this experience, this story, this important part of my life is because I hope from the heart that it may be able to help someone going through something similar.
I would love for this to be able to fix broken relationships, friendships that need to be rekindled and even an auto analysis of what we have in our hearts so we can improve any relationship, starting with ourselves.
To write this blog post I had to analyze the consequences, read various articles and of course have a deep conversation with Will (“my ex”).
For those of you who don’t know, I was married to Will for five years and it was a beautiful relationship, full of learning experiences, unforgettable moments and most importantly, a lot of love. However, in those five years things happened that caused a lot of damage to the relationship (from both sides), and I do not want to go into details as to what happened or why, but at one point trust was no longer there like before and at the same time life threw many obstacles that eventually led us to this decision.
We were forced to be separated for two years due to the fact that Will was sentenced and sent to another state and even though we tried to keep our relationship as a couple, as time went by we would drift a bit apart and that original connection that we had was lost. They were not the toughest two years of our marriage but definitely the ones were we really learned about one another.
This pandemic has brought to all of us a change in life, in my case these changes are all 100% positive since not only did I find time to do so many things that I never had time for, but I also got to save some money. I discovered qualities about myself that I did not know I had, and I begin taking classes to reconstruct my way of thinking and little by little my life made another turn. I leave my coach’s link here since I really value these classes and I know that they could help many of you as well. Coach: Andrea Hurtado
Another positive thing about the pandemic was that Will was able to come home earlier than his initial release date, and that filled me with so much happiness, it filled our friendship with joy and of course it was wonderful for Will. He could finally be home in his space and slowly return to a “normal” life.
The fact is that since day “1” we knew that he was coming back from zero to start so many things back in his life, including our relationship. He was away for two years and in that time we decided that we would not try to work on our relationship as a couple until he got out again.
Five months have gone by since Will has returned home and each day he and I complement one another as the best friends that could possibly exist. We work out together, meditate and do yoga together, and he helps me with so many ideas for my company TeamBelu. Will met Bruno and he has definitely become a faithful friend to my kid puppy and they constantly play and eat together.
However, for me it has also been a bit tough having had an image of what I wanted things to be like as opposed to how they are, but I am still grateful for my life and to God for how things have turned out. I come from a culture and a home that if relationships don’t work they end and everything is left in the past, with no more communication and usually with a lot of animosity. But now I can confirm that when one truly loves and understands how human we are it is easier to forgive, accept and move on.
This is what helped me and continues to help me have a great friendship with Will filled with good vibes, and I wanted to share it with you in case you ever needed it. This could help you not just in couple relationships, but also with friends, family, work and much more!
- Both sides have to be on the same level and commitment to maintain something healthy. If there is any friction from any side it obviously makes things difficult.
2. Let’s be honest, all of us make mistakes! However, communicating, speaking and accepting our errors are all proof that the relationship matters.
3. Look and understand who you are first, not the other person. Look at yourself and accept your flaws, and learn to live with them without guilt.
4. Remember the positive, the most important things that filled you with happiness, and focus on that about the other person.
5. Keep things clear. If you are friends than keep it as friends in order to not damage that friendship.
6. Do not live in the past, live in the now! Value the present and focus on how to better yourself.
7. Remember that we give what we are. If we give love than we are love.
I received so many happy messages when Will came back and believe me that this type of support fills my heart. Will is going to be in my life and in my plans always because he and I make an incredible team. At this time we are a working team, a friendship team, and team of unconditional support. Thank you so much for reading and I hope that you can feel it in your heart the love I put into this post.
I will continue focusing on myself, on love for myself, and growing one day at a time.